The line between pleasure and pain is miniscule and vague at best. There has been a lot of hullabaloo over the new movie based off of the book 50 Shades of Grey. What I find quite hilarious about some of these articles is they assume that men are using them as a sex manual or that “normal” women have now become misogynists after reading the books.
First off, I would like to point out that I highly doubt women read this book and turned to their husbands and said “Hit me so hard you leave marks or we can’t have sex anymore.” Secondly I would like to point out that this is a book, a work of fiction, that is all. It is NOT a real news story, it is not children being sold into sex slavery (happening every day), or planes getting shot out of the sky or disappearing (also happening much more often), it is not rape, it is not women forced into prostitution and forced into abortions when they end up pregnant… I just want to put things into perspective here…
So lets talk about what 50 Shades is… It is a love story (twisted but still a love story) that happens over a period of like 3 months in all (if you read all three books). Another downfall of the ever judgmental bloggers out there is they say Anna finally decides this isn’t what she wants and leaves Christian… at the end of the FIRST book but (****SPOILER ALERT*****) if you read all three books they end up married with children. So while everyone is making a huge deal out of the kinky sex I just want to point out that no one is making that big of a deal about her being knocked up and married within a measly 3 months.
If you are against the violent sex, I understand. Violent sex acts against women are cruel and should be outlawed. Oh wait… Rape is against the law, if you can prove it. But I wander, back to 50 Shades. I would like to point out that Anna puts her foot down with what she will and will not tolerate, she draws a very clear line for Christian and in doing so, for herself. Through this story we come across a little talked about crime and that is sexual abuse of men. ***SPOILER ALERT**** Christian has been manipulated and abused by an older woman and I applaud E.L. James for taking a step and talking about this subject.
At the core of this story is also forgiveness. Anna has to dig deep and realize the things that Christian does to her are manifestations of his own abuse. She forgives him and helps him heal. She allows him to grow in her love and to find peace and comfort where he has never been able to before, in the bedroom. As much as people want to turn this into a sadistic sex abuse of women story, it just isn’t. All the women are consenting, they have safe words, and at one point he even becomes the submissive.
Now… on to the sex part. In some cases these bloggers are right. Sex is portrayed as violent albeit pleasurable. Movies and shows have been portraying violent sex for awhile now, it didn’t start with 50 Shades. Casual sex has become the norm, even on weeknight comedy shows (2 Broke Girls, New Girl) how can you condemn this show… what because you don’t like the way the sex is delivered?
Question – does your hubby never pat your behind? Never?? Just a little smack here or pat there. Again, the book is the EXTREME, but in real life these kinds of things happen all the time in a milder manner. Are your hands never pinned above your head as your husband kisses you (handcuffs in the book)? Do you not close your eyes when enjoying some of the pleasure you are getting from making love (blindfolds in the book)? This is why women’s engines got revved while reading. No, they don’t want this extreme misogynist sex but a man who takes control and gives a girl a good rousing… whats not to like?
Sex has become so taboo, either it is so extreme and out there or we can’t talk about it and it’s all hush hush. Look, people have sex, married couples have sex. Married couples should have sex… it is the symbolic two becoming one, procreation, God given pleasure for your body. The fact that we can’t talk about it and act like nobody but the sinners are doing it is wrong. Sex is a normal enjoyable part of every day life. Do I want young women reading 50 Shades and thinking this is what a loving relationship is? No… but I also don’t want them watching any of the Tuesday night lineup thinking that either. We have to educate our women to respect themselves and love themselves and we should be educating our men to respect women also. We cannot continually blame works of fiction for the downfall of society when it is up to us to raise our sons and daughters in the proper way… lest we forget that proper has a different meaning for everyone.
Some say erotica is porn. While there is some merit to that argument, it isn’t forcing women to have sex with men on camera and someone making money off of it. It is someones imagination laid out on paper. Of course, if a man had written it this blog may have taken a totally different approach… aren’t we funny that way? Loosen up, if it’s not for you don’t read it, don’t watch it. If it is, enjoy the show. I won’t be there personally… the love scene in Twilight made me uncomfortable but hey, if your ok with sitting in a dark movie theater with a lot of other people watching soft porn, more power to ya! One last things ladies… let your hubby give you a little spanking tonight (in the privacy of your bedroom), you might just like it 😉